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Why Every Woman Needs her Tribe! by Tara Wagner

 

12 Reasons We Women Need Our Tribes

We are inherently tribal. – We use to live in cultures where the women raised babies together, did laundry together, cooked together, and helped each other laugh through the ups and downs of life. We have evolved to be inter-dependent. It’s only in the last few decades that we’ve held up that fierce independence as the epitome of a strong woman. Well, if alone against the world is what makes you a great women, count me out. I’d rather feel great, than only look it.

Your partner can’t be everything. – I used to lean on Justin for everything. It was a real bitch when we had a fight and he was the only person I had to talk to about it. For awhile there I even thought it wasn’t okay to talk to other women about our challenges. And in a way I still find that true; I don’t want a tribe that will help me complain about him. I want a tribe that will help me examine my triggers and overcome any barrier that keeps us from loving one another better. I also came to find that it was simply unfair to him to place every stress on his shoulders. He’s one man, who wants very hard to fix as much as he an to make my smile, and without more support in my life my husband was becoming heavy with the burden of being the only person I would turn to help me meet my deeper needs for connection, growth, fun, or help.

Your kids need a break from you. – Oh man, am I serious about this one. Especially because my son is an only child. Without my tribe of conscious mamas, from both local parenting groups with like-minded philosophies on life and parenting, to online tribes, to coaches who have helped me through rough spots, I’m pretty sure my son and I owe our relationship to the support I found in others. Without it I was constantly examining and analyzing every action my son took, worrying that I was doing something wrong (or he was), or just not giving him the space to just breathe, explore independently, or make his own choices without my fear trying to micro-manage, nag, control or stress him out. Having other mamas helped me to put things in perspective, lighten up and be a better mom more capable of responding to his needs with compassion and support.

You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. – You want to radically change your life? Surround yourself with examples that it’s possible. You want to live a deeper, more meaningful existence? Engage in deeper, more meaningful conversations with the people talking about deeper more meaningful things. Don’t let the limitations of what those around you can do become your reality. Seek out possibilities, surround yourself with inspiration, and what seemed impossible will soon become the only thing you know.

Girls just wanna have fun. – Life gives us plenty of opportunity for stress, heartache, overwhelm or depression. It’s our job to counter those things with laughter, fun, and connection. Have you ever had a terrible day and called a girlfriend and you both ended up laughing at the utter ridiculousness of it all? Suddenly what you thought was going to do you in is not so bad when our tribe helps us to play and lighten up. And fun is a damn important thing in life. We have enough seriousness. We need more fun.

You need people who won’t let you off the hook. – I didn’t use to see this was true about myself. I’ve always thought I was pretty self-motivated. Until my tribe called me on my bullshit and helped me to see how I was giving up, playing small or rationalizing away my dreams. Because I allowed others to know what my real desires were – what my heart ached for – they were there to call attention to the ways I was neglecting them. It was not a pretty mirror they held up but it was a much needed view hat helped me to confront my real barriers and catapult right past them.

You need a safe place to land. – The world can be harsh. Have one terrible day and you could end up on YouTube being bashed by millions of people. Make a mistake and you probably have learned to do the bashing yourself. But the right tribe of women will open up a safe and sacred space for you to bring your cracked and weeping heart. They will wrap you in compassion ad stillness and allow you to breathe and vent and process without judgment. They give you the nurturing and the encouragement to heal and grow and move forward again. I can’t tell you how powerful it is to know that a circle of women, some whom you haven’t even met, are waiting with open arms, whether you’re having a horrible day or your life has just been shattered.

You can’t see your own blind spots. – I’ve already mentioned a few times how the tribes of women in my life will call my on my shit. And sometimes it really pisses me off. But without their intuitive ability to hold up that mirror to what I can’t see I would still be spinning my wheels in frustration over the patterns I couldn’t change. With the multiple perspectives and the collective wisdom a tribe of soulful, conscious women can be a catalyst for the most powerful personal growth.

You’re can’t jump over buildings in a single bound. – Or any of the other impossible things we try to do on our own. You’re not Superwoman. You’re not a one woman roadshow. Stop trying to be perfect and infallible and so great that you never need anything. You! Need! Support!: practical, emotional, spiritual support. Whether you’ve just had a baby, or you are struggling with food, or you’re trying to manage a household, love a family, and run a business, for the love of all that is good in the world, ask for support. Trade support. Pay for support. You’re worth the investment.

You’re going to drive yourself batshit crazy unless you do something for you once in awhile. – Nuff’ Said.

You can’t give what you don’t allow yourself to receive. – This was my Aha moment when it came to receiving support. I can NOT give it if I don’t fist have it. And it’s no one else’s job to know when I need it, or how I’d like to receive it. It’s my job to seek out the things that will meet my needs in such a way that I feel so filled up with love, energy, connection, passion, and everything else I might need that I am overflowing that back out to my family, my clients and the whole world.

You deserve to receive a lot. – Women tend to have this idea that it’s great for other women to receive, “but oh no, not me.” “I couldn’t possibly take that from you.” “I can’t justify that for myself.” “I’d be selfish.” No. You won’t be selfish. You’re selfish when you continue to try to meet your needs in ways that aren’t effective. It wastes your time, energy, money, and capabilities. And you’re never helping others. But investing well in your own health, well-being, personal growth, mental clarity, stability and ability to do more in the world is anything but selfish. It’s imperative.
By Tara Wagner, “the organic sister”Keep us in your heart

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Circle Culture; Calling, Creating and Holding Sacred Space

 

I spend a significant portion of my daily life organizing, traveling to, returning from, and facilitating women’s circles. You could say I have an obsession with them. I am indeed shamelessly passionate about women gathering in circle to share truth, when that sacred circle is a safe space for personal healing, emotional awakening and soulful transformation to occur. With every Vividly Woman circle gathering, there are three main elements;

Calling the Circle
Creating the Space
Holding the Space
I’ll explain each here to give you a sense of what is so integral to the experience;

Calling the Circle

While most of the magic of a sacred circle takes place when each circle member is present (this can be whether it’s an in person or virtual circle), a good portion of what happens “in circle” is greatly facilitated by what has transpired leading up to it that particular gathering.

“Calling the Circle” means specifically, sending out an invitation with intention for women to gather. As soon as you accept that invitation, you are co-creatively calling that circle into being and helping to set the stage. The consciousness around that circle has begun weaving itself in anticipation of the sacredness and the safety that the circle embodies. Once the circle is called, all members are contributing to that sacred space.

One of my dear Vividly Woman Leader Sisters just sent out an email invite to all the VW Leaders (from all over the US and Canada) inviting us to a tele-circle that will take place next month. Several sisters have replied with their intention to be there, with all of the sisters who replied expressing their intention to hold space for it (more on holding space below).

Creating the Space

The next important step to the joining of the circles is when the members actually come together, creating the space for the union of sisters. There are endless ways to bring the woman to the sacred space. At Vividly Woman circles, we create the space by coming into stillness in each of our “four bodies”; physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. We do this as a way to be fully present, letting go of any distractions, invoking connection to all of life, and inviting wisdom not only to come to us, but also through us.

These circles are so precious to the women who gather, and the praise is so sweetly given; “Thank you Leela and my circle of sisters for co-creating our safe, loving, supportive, healing circle together. It’s life at its most delicious,” Such a genuine comment from someone who recently attended my “Dance Your Power” weekend in upper NY state.

Acknowledging ourselves as energy channels of wisdom that all who are present are meant to receive, helps to heighten the trans- personal value of the circle. When a circle is honored for its transpersonal power, each member of that circle is aware that her healing and awakening is on behalf of all her sisters that sit in that circle and all sisters everywhere.

Holding the Space

Once the circle is called and the sacred and safe space have been created, then each member of the circle is also present to hold the sacred space of that circle. Holding the space is one of the elements that makes the circle so precious and powerful. The fact that all members of the circle hold that space means that we are all responsible for the safety, depth and transformational potential of that circle. There is no one person who is more responsible than anyone else for this sacred, shared responsibility.

Circle culture and the holding of space, is also defined by a particular way of sharing and listening. Typical of a sacred circle is the use of a talking stick, stone, intentional/sacred item that holds meaning and each woman will hold as her turn to share comes around in the exchange.

Recently at our “Dance Your Power” weekend retreat, we utilized a Goddess stone for one of our circles, a shaker in the shape of an egg for another, and a round juicy orange for yet another. Each of these items is symbolic and holds meaning specific to the focus of that particular circle.

At the opening circle of “Embody Self Love Intensive” (one of the programs I offer with my coaching and workshops), each woman participating bring their own sacred stone that is then passed around the circle with each sharing, so that at the close of the circle we have each held each other’s sacred stone. This encourages connection, great care and a deep trust as the foundation for our remaining three day journey into profound healing and profound personal awakening. A special VW sister recently shared; “One of the main things I always take away from any Vividly Woman Circle is the deep, authentic, and profound sharing with sisters with whom I will be forever connected. No matter how much time may pass between us, when and if we meet again, it is as if it were yesterday because our hearts never parted!” The joining and experiences truly are a powerful conduit to sisterhood.

“Holding the space as a listener” is a circle sister waiting her turn to share until the talking stone is handed to you instead of immediately communicating to the speaker as is common in every day conversation. In circle, instead of having a dialogue with each other, we are present in our communion with a higher source that we each have our own way of naming( i.e., Spirit, God, Goddess, Universal Energy, Spirit Guides). The moniker is not important. What does matter, is that we honor and respect each woman’s right to share her truth and while ours may differ, there is supreme value in giving space to others’ truth versus challenging it or even commenting on it.

A sacred circle holds immeasurable healing and vast possibilities for spiritual awakening. I have been blessed to witness this in myself and thousands of others over the course of six years of Vividly Woman community gatherings, and for many years before in other sacred circle communities. When a woman “comes home” to the culture of circle, she can truly find a beautiful part of herself in the finding of her circle sisters. I have so much gratitude for the many sisters who have held sacred and space with and for me all of these impressionable years, and I look forward to many more juicy moments and powerful years ahead.

Written by Leela Francis, Edited by Lisa Pool

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