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Why Every Woman Needs her Tribe! by Tara Wagner

Keep us in your heart  

12 Reasons We Women Need Our Tribes

We are inherently tribal. – We use to live in cultures where the women raised babies together, did laundry together, cooked together, and helped each other laugh through the ups and downs of life. We have evolved to be inter-dependent. It’s only in the last few decades that we’ve held up that fierce independence as the epitome of a strong woman. Well, if alone against the world is what makes you a great women, count me out. I’d rather feel great, than only look it.

Your partner can’t be everything. – I used to lean on Justin for everything. It was a real bitch when we had a fight and he was the only person I had to talk to about it. For awhile there I even thought it wasn’t okay to talk to other women about our challenges. And in a way I still find that true; I don’t want a tribe that will help me complain about him. I want a tribe that will help me examine my triggers and overcome any barrier that keeps us from loving one another better. I also came to find that it was simply unfair to him to place every stress on his shoulders. He’s one man, who wants very hard to fix as much as he an to make my smile, and without more support in my life my husband was becoming heavy with the burden of being the only person I would turn to help me meet my deeper needs for connection, growth, fun, or help.

Your kids need a break from you. – Oh man, am I serious about this one. Especially because my son is an only child. Without my tribe of conscious mamas, from both local parenting groups with like-minded philosophies on life and parenting, to online tribes, to coaches who have helped me through rough spots, I’m pretty sure my son and I owe our relationship to the support I found in others. Without it I was constantly examining and analyzing every action my son took, worrying that I was doing something wrong (or he was), or just not giving him the space to just breathe, explore independently, or make his own choices without my fear trying to micro-manage, nag, control or stress him out. Having other mamas helped me to put things in perspective, lighten up and be a better mom more capable of responding to his needs with compassion and support.

You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. – You want to radically change your life? Surround yourself with examples that it’s possible. You want to live a deeper, more meaningful existence? Engage in deeper, more meaningful conversations with the people talking about deeper more meaningful things. Don’t let the limitations of what those around you can do become your reality. Seek out possibilities, surround yourself with inspiration, and what seemed impossible will soon become the only thing you know.

Girls just wanna have fun. – Life gives us plenty of opportunity for stress, heartache, overwhelm or depression. It’s our job to counter those things with laughter, fun, and connection. Have you ever had a terrible day and called a girlfriend and you both ended up laughing at the utter ridiculousness of it all? Suddenly what you thought was going to do you in is not so bad when our tribe helps us to play and lighten up. And fun is a damn important thing in life. We have enough seriousness. We need more fun.

You need people who won’t let you off the hook. – I didn’t use to see this was true about myself. I’ve always thought I was pretty self-motivated. Until my tribe called me on my bullshit and helped me to see how I was giving up, playing small or rationalizing away my dreams. Because I allowed others to know what my real desires were – what my heart ached for – they were there to call attention to the ways I was neglecting them. It was not a pretty mirror they held up but it was a much needed view hat helped me to confront my real barriers and catapult right past them.

You need a safe place to land. – The world can be harsh. Have one terrible day and you could end up on YouTube being bashed by millions of people. Make a mistake and you probably have learned to do the bashing yourself. But the right tribe of women will open up a safe and sacred space for you to bring your cracked and weeping heart. They will wrap you in compassion ad stillness and allow you to breathe and vent and process without judgment. They give you the nurturing and the encouragement to heal and grow and move forward again. I can’t tell you how powerful it is to know that a circle of women, some whom you haven’t even met, are waiting with open arms, whether you’re having a horrible day or your life has just been shattered.

You can’t see your own blind spots. – I’ve already mentioned a few times how the tribes of women in my life will call my on my shit. And sometimes it really pisses me off. But without their intuitive ability to hold up that mirror to what I can’t see I would still be spinning my wheels in frustration over the patterns I couldn’t change. With the multiple perspectives and the collective wisdom a tribe of soulful, conscious women can be a catalyst for the most powerful personal growth.

You’re can’t jump over buildings in a single bound. – Or any of the other impossible things we try to do on our own. You’re not Superwoman. You’re not a one woman roadshow. Stop trying to be perfect and infallible and so great that you never need anything. You! Need! Support!: practical, emotional, spiritual support. Whether you’ve just had a baby, or you are struggling with food, or you’re trying to manage a household, love a family, and run a business, for the love of all that is good in the world, ask for support. Trade support. Pay for support. You’re worth the investment.

You’re going to drive yourself batshit crazy unless you do something for you once in awhile. – Nuff’ Said.

You can’t give what you don’t allow yourself to receive. – This was my Aha moment when it came to receiving support. I can NOT give it if I don’t fist have it. And it’s no one else’s job to know when I need it, or how I’d like to receive it. It’s my job to seek out the things that will meet my needs in such a way that I feel so filled up with love, energy, connection, passion, and everything else I might need that I am overflowing that back out to my family, my clients and the whole world.

You deserve to receive a lot. – Women tend to have this idea that it’s great for other women to receive, “but oh no, not me.” “I couldn’t possibly take that from you.” “I can’t justify that for myself.” “I’d be selfish.” No. You won’t be selfish. You’re selfish when you continue to try to meet your needs in ways that aren’t effective. It wastes your time, energy, money, and capabilities. And you’re never helping others. But investing well in your own health, well-being, personal growth, mental clarity, stability and ability to do more in the world is anything but selfish. It’s imperative.
By Tara Wagner, “the organic sister”Keep us in your heart

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Are You Outsourcing Your Power?

outsourcingpower  

Outsourcing is the thing to do these days in business when it comes to your virtual assistant, designing a website and your social media campaign. But outsourcing for your power is a big no no that will never bring the results that you crave.

I used to be an expert at outsourcing my power, so I’m highly qualified to talk about it.

I used to look for power everywhere outside me.

For years I desperately ached to have a baby to prove my womanhood and worthiness. Being diagnosed as infertile made this a painful pursuit to say the least. Then I worked hard and long to make money in my business so I could be taken seriously by my family and the world. I pedalled hard and fast but never seemed to achieve the success I yearned for. I searched high and low for the perfect mate, discarding him like a disposable napkin when the magic wore off and I suddenly realized he wasn’t the God I thought he was. One relationship after another left me feeling empty and like a failure.

The ironic part is that the more I looked for all of this outside me to prove my self-worth, the more I pushed it away from me.

On the wake of an intensely painful break up, losing not only my man but also my step sons, left only with the business I’d poured myself addictively into to prove myself to the world, I found myself on the beach in Mexico, dealing with the destruction and fall out from the break up. The only place left to look was inside, and it was then that I began to discover the rich source of infinite power and wisdom that I embody. That journey led me to birth Vividly Woman.

I stopped comparing my husband and my marriage to other peoples and started celebrating the blessing of this amazing being as my life partner and the beautiful life we are creating together.

I stopped mourning my infertility and acting out my wound with my students and started letting myself love and nurture them like a mother.

I stopped needing my business to be successful in order to prove my value as a woman and a human being.

I stopped making things outside of me a measure of my value in the world, and started celebrating the essence of my being as love and plenty good enough just as I am.

What are you trying to achieve and why? Are you trying to make up for what you’re not by amassing, accomplishing and abounding?

Make a list for the things you thing you need to do and be in order to be “successful”. Take that list, and at the top write:

Things I could do and be that would still leave me feeling that I’m not good enough.

Now make another list. List all the blessings in your life and all the gifts you bring to the world. At the top of this list write:

Proof of my Success.

The point is, if you’re trying to be successful to prove your self worth, you’ll never get there, because self worth doesn’t come from things outside you, it can only come from inside.

At Vividly Woman we claim our self worth through our:

  1. Sensual Power, by communing sensually with life,
  2. Emotional Power, by giving ourselves the freedom to feel the full spectrum of our emotions and mastering the ability to choose when and how to express them,
  3. Intuitive Power, by distinguishing between ego and intuition and choosing to be guided by intuition which connects us to a rich and fulfilling spiritual existence.

Looking for and finding my power in here, instead of out there, is a practice and process that nourishes me and affirms the success that I might spend my life in desperate pursuit of. At Dance Your Power weekend workshop retreat, one of the Vividly Woman Embodied Leader Training modules, we bring you home to the blessings of a life richly lived from the inside out.

If the hunt is your passion, keep looking for it out there, if the bounty is your passion, look inside!

“If you are in search of the greatest treasure, don’t look outside look within and seek that.” ~ Rumi

Leela Francis

Founder of Vividly Woman

 

 

 

 

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