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Why Every Woman Needs her Tribe! by Tara Wagner

 

12 Reasons We Women Need Our Tribes

We are inherently tribal. – We use to live in cultures where the women raised babies together, did laundry together, cooked together, and helped each other laugh through the ups and downs of life. We have evolved to be inter-dependent. It’s only in the last few decades that we’ve held up that fierce independence as the epitome of a strong woman. Well, if alone against the world is what makes you a great women, count me out. I’d rather feel great, than only look it.

Your partner can’t be everything. – I used to lean on Justin for everything. It was a real bitch when we had a fight and he was the only person I had to talk to about it. For awhile there I even thought it wasn’t okay to talk to other women about our challenges. And in a way I still find that true; I don’t want a tribe that will help me complain about him. I want a tribe that will help me examine my triggers and overcome any barrier that keeps us from loving one another better. I also came to find that it was simply unfair to him to place every stress on his shoulders. He’s one man, who wants very hard to fix as much as he an to make my smile, and without more support in my life my husband was becoming heavy with the burden of being the only person I would turn to help me meet my deeper needs for connection, growth, fun, or help.

Your kids need a break from you. – Oh man, am I serious about this one. Especially because my son is an only child. Without my tribe of conscious mamas, from both local parenting groups with like-minded philosophies on life and parenting, to online tribes, to coaches who have helped me through rough spots, I’m pretty sure my son and I owe our relationship to the support I found in others. Without it I was constantly examining and analyzing every action my son took, worrying that I was doing something wrong (or he was), or just not giving him the space to just breathe, explore independently, or make his own choices without my fear trying to micro-manage, nag, control or stress him out. Having other mamas helped me to put things in perspective, lighten up and be a better mom more capable of responding to his needs with compassion and support.

You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. – You want to radically change your life? Surround yourself with examples that it’s possible. You want to live a deeper, more meaningful existence? Engage in deeper, more meaningful conversations with the people talking about deeper more meaningful things. Don’t let the limitations of what those around you can do become your reality. Seek out possibilities, surround yourself with inspiration, and what seemed impossible will soon become the only thing you know.

Girls just wanna have fun. – Life gives us plenty of opportunity for stress, heartache, overwhelm or depression. It’s our job to counter those things with laughter, fun, and connection. Have you ever had a terrible day and called a girlfriend and you both ended up laughing at the utter ridiculousness of it all? Suddenly what you thought was going to do you in is not so bad when our tribe helps us to play and lighten up. And fun is a damn important thing in life. We have enough seriousness. We need more fun.

You need people who won’t let you off the hook. – I didn’t use to see this was true about myself. I’ve always thought I was pretty self-motivated. Until my tribe called me on my bullshit and helped me to see how I was giving up, playing small or rationalizing away my dreams. Because I allowed others to know what my real desires were – what my heart ached for – they were there to call attention to the ways I was neglecting them. It was not a pretty mirror they held up but it was a much needed view hat helped me to confront my real barriers and catapult right past them.

You need a safe place to land. – The world can be harsh. Have one terrible day and you could end up on YouTube being bashed by millions of people. Make a mistake and you probably have learned to do the bashing yourself. But the right tribe of women will open up a safe and sacred space for you to bring your cracked and weeping heart. They will wrap you in compassion ad stillness and allow you to breathe and vent and process without judgment. They give you the nurturing and the encouragement to heal and grow and move forward again. I can’t tell you how powerful it is to know that a circle of women, some whom you haven’t even met, are waiting with open arms, whether you’re having a horrible day or your life has just been shattered.

You can’t see your own blind spots. – I’ve already mentioned a few times how the tribes of women in my life will call my on my shit. And sometimes it really pisses me off. But without their intuitive ability to hold up that mirror to what I can’t see I would still be spinning my wheels in frustration over the patterns I couldn’t change. With the multiple perspectives and the collective wisdom a tribe of soulful, conscious women can be a catalyst for the most powerful personal growth.

You’re can’t jump over buildings in a single bound. – Or any of the other impossible things we try to do on our own. You’re not Superwoman. You’re not a one woman roadshow. Stop trying to be perfect and infallible and so great that you never need anything. You! Need! Support!: practical, emotional, spiritual support. Whether you’ve just had a baby, or you are struggling with food, or you’re trying to manage a household, love a family, and run a business, for the love of all that is good in the world, ask for support. Trade support. Pay for support. You’re worth the investment.

You’re going to drive yourself batshit crazy unless you do something for you once in awhile. – Nuff’ Said.

You can’t give what you don’t allow yourself to receive. – This was my Aha moment when it came to receiving support. I can NOT give it if I don’t fist have it. And it’s no one else’s job to know when I need it, or how I’d like to receive it. It’s my job to seek out the things that will meet my needs in such a way that I feel so filled up with love, energy, connection, passion, and everything else I might need that I am overflowing that back out to my family, my clients and the whole world.

You deserve to receive a lot. – Women tend to have this idea that it’s great for other women to receive, “but oh no, not me.” “I couldn’t possibly take that from you.” “I can’t justify that for myself.” “I’d be selfish.” No. You won’t be selfish. You’re selfish when you continue to try to meet your needs in ways that aren’t effective. It wastes your time, energy, money, and capabilities. And you’re never helping others. But investing well in your own health, well-being, personal growth, mental clarity, stability and ability to do more in the world is anything but selfish. It’s imperative.
By Tara Wagner, “the organic sister”Keep us in your heart

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End of 2013 Message from Leela

 

It’s been a while since you’ve heard from me. As the face and voice of Vividly Woman for the last 8 years, it was big step for me to take a break. Fortunately, my need for a break coincided with other Sisters in our community being ready to take on more visibility and responsibility. I love how the universe delivers!  I have huge gratitude for the VW Babes, a circle of 4 VW Sisters who have danced into leadership in our community and are continuing to grow our Sisterhood.

It was truly time for me to take some space. What most awoke me to this need was that I had come to resource most of my self worth from Vividly Woman. I was basing my value, and the meaning in my life, largely on the successes or failures of VW. Not only is this diametrically opposed to our teachings, it came to feel dissatisfying to my heart, uncomfortable in my body and dampening to my spirit. As much as I’ve loved pouring my whole self into VW, and my relationships with you and those closest to me in our community have nourished me deeply, my soul was ready for a change.

I never realized how obsessed I could be, and perhaps it was that obsessive tendency that helped VW to thrive so I have no regrets. I feel blessed that I’ve learned to pay attention to my inner truth, and when the time came to take space, I heeded the inner nudges.

So over the last 8 months I’ve travelled for pleasure, I’ve studied, I’ve become more domestic, I’ve cleansed, I’ve read, I completed my book, I published and launched it, I’ve settled into a new home, I’ve spent more time with my husband in the past 8 months than I had in the past 8 years. In a lot of ways it feels like I lifted my head out of the sand, like an ostrich, and I’ve looked around at the world that I had been ignoring in order to attend to my obsession. Wow, there is a big world out there!

It’s probably not a coincidence that all of this is taking place as I near the juicy age of 50. As I take inventory, I see that I devoted my first 50 years to consciousness raising.  As I approach the big 50 in 2014, I’m paying attention to what my soul most desires now. I now feel called to devote the next 50 years to Love, which, of course includes consciousness.

As I turn my attention away from global causes to inspire my activism, and more toward the light birthing from within me and a yearning to become an ever more radiant expression of that light, I find that the self love that I sought to cultivate and inspire in others is a natural by-product.

I’m honestly not sure what the coming year holds, but I know it will bring creative opportunities, surprises and many rich experiences to learn and grow from. I wish the very same for you and look forward to continuing to learn, grow and dance together. As Vividly Woman Sisters, proud members of this vibrant community of amazing women, let’s spread our wings together and fly even higher!

In love, light and Sisterhood,

 

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