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Jealous? Who me?

 

Good Girls don’t get jealous? HA!


Your stomach drops and with it goes your confidence. Sounds are garbled behind the deafening thud of your heart and the defensive mind chatter. Inside the locked jaw and grinding teeth subsists your dry sponge of a tongue, saliva like civility, M.I.A.


In the rainbow of ways to be feeling, this one doesn’t seem clean green to me, more like a sludge color.

On the list of taboo emotions, jealousy vies for first place. 


Other times it’s just a mild undertow, a soft growl of envy, like a low grade fever. Whatever the degree of jealousy you’re experiencing, most will agree, it’s not a favorite!


There was a time early in my life, one relationship in particular where I was gutted with it, routinely devastated.  I lashed out at him. I wrote chapters in my journal about the injustice. I lost weight, sleep, and rationale.


At the detonation of that relationship, I realized how inappropriate this jealousy thing was. In a blind backlash, I built a lifestyle around ensuring I was above and beyond such pettiness. Ridding myself of material possessions and refusing to be trapped by monogamy I declared myself impervious to that green eyed monster.


The experiment albeit short, was not without merit. It stretched me and my perspectives in ways this Taurus (Scorpio rising, I know yikes!) never thought possible.


There’s a bullet point here: Although jealousy isn’t pleasant, it’s the resistance, suppression, denial, and guilt of it that causes the agony!


Like all emotions, it is in fact vital information. It is pointing you to a clue. There is a reason for it, if you look a little closer.


“I already have my binge planned for tonight.” 

This week a coaching client of mine opened our session with that confession. 


At the heart of her preplanned binge was an emotion fighting for air. This suppressed emotion was living at the top of her belly. She learned long ago that this emotion was taboo, that “Good Girls Don’t Feel Jealousy!” This myth had been active and driving her behavior for most of her life.


She admitted to feeling jealous and also revealed her humiliation at succumbing to this bad girl wretchedness! 


Eventually she gave herself permission to feel her jealousy for the first time. No acting on it, just being with it. The very act of allowing it to be there was revolutionary for her. The tears flowed taking with them decades of shame.


What followed was a discovery on her path of Self care. It went a little something like this:


I’m jealous of my sisters.

I’m jealous of their material possessions. 

I’m jealous of how they’re supported financially by their spouses.

Do you feel supported in your relationship?

hmmm… Yes, I guess. We chose our arrangement, and actually this isn’t even about finances.

Where are you feeling unsupported? In your relationship?

I want to support around my health, going for walks. (laughter) OMG this is hilarious! All this was really just about asking for more support?!


Staying curious, letting go of old stories, assumptions and judgement can reveal simple life changing truths. 


 1)    Be tender with yourself. Notice when you’re feeling jealous and that there’s an insecure part of you. Acknowledge that part. Where does it live in your body? Make contact. (Remember it’s about you, not them!)

2)    Jealousy is information. There is a craving you haven’t been aware of, or you’ve been denying. Become curious. What is that I desire?

3)    How can I be supported in this? How I can I support myself in this?

4) Wow the fact that it is there before me, is proof that it is possible. What I desire is being modeled for me. I can create this in my own life, or my own version of whatever it is that I am craving.


Emotions rule us when left unchecked. They subvert our highest intentions, causing us to act out in passive and sometimes aggressive ways. There no bad emotions, only unpleasant ones, and even these offer us valuable information.

What/who are you jealous of? What is the next clue on your journey?

Join us this Thursday 6pm PST as we explore  the Emotional Power Center, “Freedom to Feel!” through a FREE group coaching call!

http://www.leelafrancis.com/MC/3monthsfree.htm

 










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Unweave the Story

“The “story” is sometimes what keeps us from ever experiencing our true creative self.” Thank you Cassandra Russell, creativity coach, for these wise words.

If only we could catch ourselves in the story. But so often the story pulls us in, wraps us up in her dramatic web, and consumes so much of our energy that could otherwise be spent on more creative adventures that delight and please us.

So how to catch the story before it becomes a trap?

Well, here are a couple of tips to identify and pull the plug on the inflated illusion of disempowering stories:

1. Notice if you are spending a lot of time talking about, instead of experiencing life. If you are constantly in the role of commentator instead of living life in the first person, present time, you are likely in the story. So stop talking and start being and savoring!

2. Does it take you a long time to get a point across? Do you notice that others are hesitant to spend time with you or they tend to boundary their time with you? This is a good indication that your stories are an energy drain on others and likely you too.

3. Are you a glass half full or glass half empty person? If you are constantly complaining, it’s likely that you are swept away with the story instead of the truth. Remember that the truth will set you free from the story ridden chronic complaining that keeps you stuck and the victim.

So start noticing these things about yourself and the way you relate to yourself and others. Always weaving stories is alright if you are a spider, but for many of us we just get tangled into our own web of victimhood!

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