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I Really Am From Venus!

 

 

Last year, I read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. After reading the chapter about men and Mars, I thought, “Wow, that sounds very familiar”. Then I read the chapter about women and Venus, and I don’t think there was a single thing with which I could identify. I was working with a life coach at the time and lamented to him, “I think I’m from Mars!” It was really news to me that women feel better when they talk out problems and issues. I was used to the masculine tendency of holding it in and trying to figure it out myself.

Thanks to my work with Leela and Vividly Woman, I am happy to say I am now totally from Venus. After Dance your Power, my husband, who is well versed in body language, even noticed that I was using more feminine facial expressions.

This new relationship with my feminine side became even more apparent to me recently. One night, after watching a biography of a writer whose mother died, I couldn’t get the thought of death out of my head. Usually, that is the furthest thing from my mind, as I enjoy living very much. However, on this night, I started imagining how I would feel if different people died.  I would try out one person and then another and another. It was so morbid and I became very unsettled. I tried just thinking about something else, distracting myself by reading positive uplifting articles, thinking about yummy food, but death kept on coming back.

What really shook me up was thinking about how I would feel if my kids died. That brought up a dark shadow for me. This thought pops into my head periodically. I believe that I’m not afraid of dying myself, but the thought of the death in relation to my children is terrifying. I have always been able to replace that dark thought with a happier one, until this night when one of my deepest fears seemed to grow and grow. I tried really hard to get through it by myself, not wanting to upset my husband, and so eventually I fell asleep, alone with my fears.

Usually things look better in the morning, but not in this case. I kept being visited by the same thought processes. I decided I did need to share it with my husband, because the vice was growing in my mind. I didn’t even really know what to say, so I started with something a little more vague around the subject of death. Eventually, I just had to get it out and so I shared what I was scared to share.

I’m so glad I did. My husband held me as I cried and asked, “What can I do for you right now?” I whispered, “Just hug me.” It felt so good to have that release. He also asked me, “Is this intuition?” (pointing at his heart) “or monkey mind?” (pointing at his head).  This comment alone took so much of the anxiety out of the situation. As soon as I remembered to check in with my body, I realized it was all in my mind.

As I began to feel more settled, he asked me where I thought that fear had come from. I said that I didn’t know and then thought about it a bit. He asked how long I had been having that fear and I said a long time; ever since we have had kids and even longer. Then I remembered something really key (which I never would have remembered if I would have tried to process this fear on my own).

When I was in high school, grade 10, I went to a psychic. She said so many things that have come true. I remember at one point, she said I would have two kids and then a little later, she said, “Oh, maybe you only have one child.” I realized that in my wish to prove to myself that she had been a good psychic, I had turned that statement into the belief that I would lose a child.

I shared that experience with my husband and he pointed out, in such a level-headed way, that likely most of what she said hadn’t come true and that it was just one possibility. I know that my thoughts create my reality and I know I have so much power. I no longer need to revisit one psychic’s view of point from two decades ago. Being able to reflect on the source of that fear and go deeper into it than I ever have before was so healing.

I’m so glad that I trusted my intuition, which continues to grow stronger, and shared my experience with my husband. There was a time, not too long ago, where I would have kept my fear in and let it grow and fester and do lots of damage. I let my body guide me. It knew that these thoughts needed to move out into the open, where they could have some light shed upon them. I feel so feminine after having processed this experience. Feminine, in a powerful way, where there is emotion moving, there are hearts connecting, there is intuition being trusted. I am SO from Venus!

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More Yummy, Less Yucky

3 Tips for Cultivating Witness Versus Wallow Consciousness

Recently I noticed myself wallowing in some feelings of sadness. The sadness was brought on by me comparing myself to a woman who I was perceiving as more successful than I. As a result I was actively self deprecating and feeling inadequate. Yes, I confess that sometimes I do let comparing myself to others get me down, and it can be a real drag. Fortunately lately I’ve had the insight and awareness to witness what’s happening instead of let myself be pummeled by the self pity that often in the past would ensue. Though I still felt the sadness, I was also able to be with it in a way that allowed me to honor my feelings instead of be a victim to them.

Here are 3 practices that I use to get me into the witness and out of the wallower.

1. Feeling & Sensing; Notice your feelings and their corresponding sensations instead of the narrative in your mind that justifies the feeling. Letting go of the story and being a witness to sensation and feeling, brings you to truth that empowers you instead of story that debilitates you.

2. Be Self Referencing: Acknowledge self referring vs external referring behavior. Are your choices motivated by your inner preferences or by outside standards? Witness your tendency towards one or the other to identify whether you are living and choosing authentically for you.

3. Take Responsibility: Do you take responsibility for your life or do your tend to blame people or circumstances outside yourself. Witnessing why things are the way they are, with you as the director and the producer of your life, not just the lead actor, will encourage “yummy” way quicker than the victim “yucky” experience of your life’s dramas.

The cultivation of witness consciousness is an ongoing practice. We have to stalk the wallowing tendencies and be gentle when we find them, witnessing even that with a loving “ah so”, and choose to dance in the light of the witness helping to dismantle the darkness of the wallower.

Leela Francis is the founder of Vividly Woman. An embodiment Expert, facilitator and coach, she inspires the values of the divine feminine in work and in play.

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