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Body Betrayal?

 

A recent experience held up a mirror for me to see just how far I’ve come since I started on my personal growth journey. A surprise injury turned into a beautiful chance to contemplate how my relationship with my body has shifted.

One Saturday, I had a delicious day all to myself. My gorgeous husband took my kids so an expansive day of possibility stretched out before me. In the afternoon, I brought a basket of laundry upstairs, set it down and then stood up, but, shockingly, I couldn’t stand up anymore.

A sharp pain shot through my back every time I tried to straighten up. Having never experienced severe back pain, I was very surprised. For the next hour, I experimented with my new reality. I could walk hunched over, twist, crawl, meditate and sit comfortably. I just couldn’t stand up or walk normally. The possibilities for my day became much more limited.

An older version of me would have freaked out! Much of my current income comes from teaching dance, so I would have dropped into a spiral of ‘what ifs’. The newer ‘Vividly Woman’ me was more curious about the whole situation. I trust that my body will never betray me and that its main purpose is to support me and my growth. Although it hurt significantly, I had cheerful expectation that there was a gift in this event and I was excited to discover it.

It just so happened that my good friend, Ungela, offered to do a Bowen session with me. If you’re unfamiliar with Bowen therapy, it’s a healing modality that stimulates the body to heal itself. With some guidance and gentle manipulation from the practitioner, the receiver trusts in the wisdom of her body to return to its optimal state of health and vitality.

I hobbled into the appointment like I was 9 months pregnant. During the healing session, Ungela asked me if I was going through any major changes, where I was feeling stuck. I replied that most of my life was in a state of huge change, so that could definitely have something to do with it. She explained that, often, acute injuries happen when we’re on the verge of something major, such as expansion, and if we don’t seek out a way to move through them, the injury can become a chronic problem. I love the idea that my body is supporting me to expand and that it knew just what to do to help me overcome my hesitations.

Ungela also asked me to ponder how could I move into my expansion with grace. What did I need to know to do that? The answer that came to me was beautiful. I had a vision of a flower blooming like in time-lapse photography and the word that came to me was “Sassy”. The way that purple flower in my imagination unfurled unapologetically and expanded into its full glory was magical. There was no hesitation. It just followed its instincts and its destiny. It came to me that I could do that too.

Later in the session, I noticed that my lower back felt like a solid brick of pain and tension. It felt “Stubborn”. Something in my body was blocked and I felt like I wanted it to stay that way because it was safe. With my Vividly Woman work, I have embraced vulnerability and revealed more about myself than ever before, but in order for this expansion, I would need to let go of my most tightly held reservations. I felt like I didn’t want to do that yet and that I wasn’t ready.

As the Bowen energy flowed through me, another image came to me. Through the brick of tension in my lower spine, I felt butterfly wings begin to grow. (I know, pretty weird, hey?) I distinctly felt these wings tentatively experimenting with opening and closing, testing out the possibility of flying. The stubborn feeling transformed into curiosity. The gifts from my injury were being revealed and they were more plentiful than I could have imagined.

After the session, I was able to stand up with a significant decrease in pain and my trust in my body was even greater than before. I discussed the experience with my husband the next day and here’s my synopsis.

I’m experiencing lots of change and am on the verge of significant expansion. My mind alone couldn’t force me to do what was beyond my realm of experience and possibility, so my body took over and did what it needed to do to bring that block into my awareness. With some help from a gifted practioner, my blocked emotion and energy were able to flow. I don’t have to “force” myself to do anything.

So did my body betray me? Quite the opposite. It gave me permission to allow myself to take time to recuperate. After just a few days, the pain was gone and some major shifts began happening with ease. When I was more in my masculine side, I thought I had to power my way through things I didn’t feel ready for yet. In my feminine side, I’m much more willing to ask for help, to let emotion move through me and to avoid classifying things as good or bad. I appreciate and recognize the magic in this event. I’m becoming that flower, blooming into all her glory, no apologies necessary.

Have you ever had an injury or illness that turned into a gift? Please leave a comment below.

 

 

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Jealous? Who me?

 

Good Girls don’t get jealous? HA!


Your stomach drops and with it goes your confidence. Sounds are garbled behind the deafening thud of your heart and the defensive mind chatter. Inside the locked jaw and grinding teeth subsists your dry sponge of a tongue, saliva like civility, M.I.A.


In the rainbow of ways to be feeling, this one doesn’t seem clean green to me, more like a sludge color.

On the list of taboo emotions, jealousy vies for first place. 


Other times it’s just a mild undertow, a soft growl of envy, like a low grade fever. Whatever the degree of jealousy you’re experiencing, most will agree, it’s not a favorite!


There was a time early in my life, one relationship in particular where I was gutted with it, routinely devastated.  I lashed out at him. I wrote chapters in my journal about the injustice. I lost weight, sleep, and rationale.


At the detonation of that relationship, I realized how inappropriate this jealousy thing was. In a blind backlash, I built a lifestyle around ensuring I was above and beyond such pettiness. Ridding myself of material possessions and refusing to be trapped by monogamy I declared myself impervious to that green eyed monster.


The experiment albeit short, was not without merit. It stretched me and my perspectives in ways this Taurus (Scorpio rising, I know yikes!) never thought possible.


There’s a bullet point here: Although jealousy isn’t pleasant, it’s the resistance, suppression, denial, and guilt of it that causes the agony!


Like all emotions, it is in fact vital information. It is pointing you to a clue. There is a reason for it, if you look a little closer.


“I already have my binge planned for tonight.” 

This week a coaching client of mine opened our session with that confession. 


At the heart of her preplanned binge was an emotion fighting for air. This suppressed emotion was living at the top of her belly. She learned long ago that this emotion was taboo, that “Good Girls Don’t Feel Jealousy!” This myth had been active and driving her behavior for most of her life.


She admitted to feeling jealous and also revealed her humiliation at succumbing to this bad girl wretchedness! 


Eventually she gave herself permission to feel her jealousy for the first time. No acting on it, just being with it. The very act of allowing it to be there was revolutionary for her. The tears flowed taking with them decades of shame.


What followed was a discovery on her path of Self care. It went a little something like this:


I’m jealous of my sisters.

I’m jealous of their material possessions. 

I’m jealous of how they’re supported financially by their spouses.

Do you feel supported in your relationship?

hmmm… Yes, I guess. We chose our arrangement, and actually this isn’t even about finances.

Where are you feeling unsupported? In your relationship?

I want to support around my health, going for walks. (laughter) OMG this is hilarious! All this was really just about asking for more support?!


Staying curious, letting go of old stories, assumptions and judgement can reveal simple life changing truths. 


 1)    Be tender with yourself. Notice when you’re feeling jealous and that there’s an insecure part of you. Acknowledge that part. Where does it live in your body? Make contact. (Remember it’s about you, not them!)

2)    Jealousy is information. There is a craving you haven’t been aware of, or you’ve been denying. Become curious. What is that I desire?

3)    How can I be supported in this? How I can I support myself in this?

4) Wow the fact that it is there before me, is proof that it is possible. What I desire is being modeled for me. I can create this in my own life, or my own version of whatever it is that I am craving.


Emotions rule us when left unchecked. They subvert our highest intentions, causing us to act out in passive and sometimes aggressive ways. There no bad emotions, only unpleasant ones, and even these offer us valuable information.

What/who are you jealous of? What is the next clue on your journey?

Join us this Thursday 6pm PST as we explore  the Emotional Power Center, “Freedom to Feel!” through a FREE group coaching call!

http://www.leelafrancis.com/MC/3monthsfree.htm

 










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