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Jealous? Who me?

 

Good Girls don’t get jealous? HA!


Your stomach drops and with it goes your confidence. Sounds are garbled behind the deafening thud of your heart and the defensive mind chatter. Inside the locked jaw and grinding teeth subsists your dry sponge of a tongue, saliva like civility, M.I.A.


In the rainbow of ways to be feeling, this one doesn’t seem clean green to me, more like a sludge color.

On the list of taboo emotions, jealousy vies for first place. 


Other times it’s just a mild undertow, a soft growl of envy, like a low grade fever. Whatever the degree of jealousy you’re experiencing, most will agree, it’s not a favorite!


There was a time early in my life, one relationship in particular where I was gutted with it, routinely devastated.  I lashed out at him. I wrote chapters in my journal about the injustice. I lost weight, sleep, and rationale.


At the detonation of that relationship, I realized how inappropriate this jealousy thing was. In a blind backlash, I built a lifestyle around ensuring I was above and beyond such pettiness. Ridding myself of material possessions and refusing to be trapped by monogamy I declared myself impervious to that green eyed monster.


The experiment albeit short, was not without merit. It stretched me and my perspectives in ways this Taurus (Scorpio rising, I know yikes!) never thought possible.


There’s a bullet point here: Although jealousy isn’t pleasant, it’s the resistance, suppression, denial, and guilt of it that causes the agony!


Like all emotions, it is in fact vital information. It is pointing you to a clue. There is a reason for it, if you look a little closer.


“I already have my binge planned for tonight.” 

This week a coaching client of mine opened our session with that confession. 


At the heart of her preplanned binge was an emotion fighting for air. This suppressed emotion was living at the top of her belly. She learned long ago that this emotion was taboo, that “Good Girls Don’t Feel Jealousy!” This myth had been active and driving her behavior for most of her life.


She admitted to feeling jealous and also revealed her humiliation at succumbing to this bad girl wretchedness! 


Eventually she gave herself permission to feel her jealousy for the first time. No acting on it, just being with it. The very act of allowing it to be there was revolutionary for her. The tears flowed taking with them decades of shame.


What followed was a discovery on her path of Self care. It went a little something like this:


I’m jealous of my sisters.

I’m jealous of their material possessions. 

I’m jealous of how they’re supported financially by their spouses.

Do you feel supported in your relationship?

hmmm… Yes, I guess. We chose our arrangement, and actually this isn’t even about finances.

Where are you feeling unsupported? In your relationship?

I want to support around my health, going for walks. (laughter) OMG this is hilarious! All this was really just about asking for more support?!


Staying curious, letting go of old stories, assumptions and judgement can reveal simple life changing truths. 


 1)    Be tender with yourself. Notice when you’re feeling jealous and that there’s an insecure part of you. Acknowledge that part. Where does it live in your body? Make contact. (Remember it’s about you, not them!)

2)    Jealousy is information. There is a craving you haven’t been aware of, or you’ve been denying. Become curious. What is that I desire?

3)    How can I be supported in this? How I can I support myself in this?

4) Wow the fact that it is there before me, is proof that it is possible. What I desire is being modeled for me. I can create this in my own life, or my own version of whatever it is that I am craving.


Emotions rule us when left unchecked. They subvert our highest intentions, causing us to act out in passive and sometimes aggressive ways. There no bad emotions, only unpleasant ones, and even these offer us valuable information.

What/who are you jealous of? What is the next clue on your journey?

Join us this Thursday 6pm PST as we explore  the Emotional Power Center, “Freedom to Feel!” through a FREE group coaching call!

http://www.leelafrancis.com/MC/3monthsfree.htm

 










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I Really Am From Venus!

 

 

Last year, I read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. After reading the chapter about men and Mars, I thought, “Wow, that sounds very familiar”. Then I read the chapter about women and Venus, and I don’t think there was a single thing with which I could identify. I was working with a life coach at the time and lamented to him, “I think I’m from Mars!” It was really news to me that women feel better when they talk out problems and issues. I was used to the masculine tendency of holding it in and trying to figure it out myself.

Thanks to my work with Leela and Vividly Woman, I am happy to say I am now totally from Venus. After Dance your Power, my husband, who is well versed in body language, even noticed that I was using more feminine facial expressions.

This new relationship with my feminine side became even more apparent to me recently. One night, after watching a biography of a writer whose mother died, I couldn’t get the thought of death out of my head. Usually, that is the furthest thing from my mind, as I enjoy living very much. However, on this night, I started imagining how I would feel if different people died.  I would try out one person and then another and another. It was so morbid and I became very unsettled. I tried just thinking about something else, distracting myself by reading positive uplifting articles, thinking about yummy food, but death kept on coming back.

What really shook me up was thinking about how I would feel if my kids died. That brought up a dark shadow for me. This thought pops into my head periodically. I believe that I’m not afraid of dying myself, but the thought of the death in relation to my children is terrifying. I have always been able to replace that dark thought with a happier one, until this night when one of my deepest fears seemed to grow and grow. I tried really hard to get through it by myself, not wanting to upset my husband, and so eventually I fell asleep, alone with my fears.

Usually things look better in the morning, but not in this case. I kept being visited by the same thought processes. I decided I did need to share it with my husband, because the vice was growing in my mind. I didn’t even really know what to say, so I started with something a little more vague around the subject of death. Eventually, I just had to get it out and so I shared what I was scared to share.

I’m so glad I did. My husband held me as I cried and asked, “What can I do for you right now?” I whispered, “Just hug me.” It felt so good to have that release. He also asked me, “Is this intuition?” (pointing at his heart) “or monkey mind?” (pointing at his head).  This comment alone took so much of the anxiety out of the situation. As soon as I remembered to check in with my body, I realized it was all in my mind.

As I began to feel more settled, he asked me where I thought that fear had come from. I said that I didn’t know and then thought about it a bit. He asked how long I had been having that fear and I said a long time; ever since we have had kids and even longer. Then I remembered something really key (which I never would have remembered if I would have tried to process this fear on my own).

When I was in high school, grade 10, I went to a psychic. She said so many things that have come true. I remember at one point, she said I would have two kids and then a little later, she said, “Oh, maybe you only have one child.” I realized that in my wish to prove to myself that she had been a good psychic, I had turned that statement into the belief that I would lose a child.

I shared that experience with my husband and he pointed out, in such a level-headed way, that likely most of what she said hadn’t come true and that it was just one possibility. I know that my thoughts create my reality and I know I have so much power. I no longer need to revisit one psychic’s view of point from two decades ago. Being able to reflect on the source of that fear and go deeper into it than I ever have before was so healing.

I’m so glad that I trusted my intuition, which continues to grow stronger, and shared my experience with my husband. There was a time, not too long ago, where I would have kept my fear in and let it grow and fester and do lots of damage. I let my body guide me. It knew that these thoughts needed to move out into the open, where they could have some light shed upon them. I feel so feminine after having processed this experience. Feminine, in a powerful way, where there is emotion moving, there are hearts connecting, there is intuition being trusted. I am SO from Venus!

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