Jealous? Who me?


Good Girls don’t get jealous? HA!

Your stomach drops and with it goes your confidence. Sounds are garbled behind the deafening thud of your heart and the defensive mind chatter. Inside the locked jaw and grinding teeth subsists your dry sponge of a tongue, saliva like civility, M.I.A.

In the rainbow of ways to be feeling, this one doesn’t seem clean green to me, more like a sludge color.

On the list of taboo emotions, jealousy vies for first place. 

Other times it’s just a mild undertow, a soft growl of envy, like a low grade fever. Whatever the degree of jealousy you’re experiencing, most will agree, it’s not a favorite!

There was a time early in my life, one relationship in particular where I was gutted with it, routinely devastated.  I lashed out at him. I wrote chapters in my journal about the injustice. I lost weight, sleep, and rationale.

At the detonation of that relationship, I realized how inappropriate this jealousy thing was. In a blind backlash, I built a lifestyle around ensuring I was above and beyond such pettiness. Ridding myself of material possessions and refusing to be trapped by monogamy I declared myself impervious to that green eyed monster.

The experiment albeit short, was not without merit. It stretched me and my perspectives in ways this Taurus (Scorpio rising, I know yikes!) never thought possible.

There’s a bullet point here: Although jealousy isn’t pleasant, it’s the resistance, suppression, denial, and guilt of it that causes the agony!

Like all emotions, it is in fact vital information. It is pointing you to a clue. There is a reason for it, if you look a little closer.

“I already have my binge planned for tonight.” 

This week a coaching client of mine opened our session with that confession. 

At the heart of her preplanned binge was an emotion fighting for air. This suppressed emotion was living at the top of her belly. She learned long ago that this emotion was taboo, that “Good Girls Don’t Feel Jealousy!” This myth had been active and driving her behavior for most of her life.

She admitted to feeling jealous and also revealed her humiliation at succumbing to this bad girl wretchedness! 

Eventually she gave herself permission to feel her jealousy for the first time. No acting on it, just being with it. The very act of allowing it to be there was revolutionary for her. The tears flowed taking with them decades of shame.

What followed was a discovery on her path of Self care. It went a little something like this:

I’m jealous of my sisters.

I’m jealous of their material possessions. 

I’m jealous of how they’re supported financially by their spouses.

Do you feel supported in your relationship?

hmmm… Yes, I guess. We chose our arrangement, and actually this isn’t even about finances.

Where are you feeling unsupported? In your relationship?

I want to support around my health, going for walks. (laughter) OMG this is hilarious! All this was really just about asking for more support?!

Staying curious, letting go of old stories, assumptions and judgement can reveal simple life changing truths. 

 1)    Be tender with yourself. Notice when you’re feeling jealous and that there’s an insecure part of you. Acknowledge that part. Where does it live in your body? Make contact. (Remember it’s about you, not them!)

2)    Jealousy is information. There is a craving you haven’t been aware of, or you’ve been denying. Become curious. What is that I desire?

3)    How can I be supported in this? How I can I support myself in this?

4) Wow the fact that it is there before me, is proof that it is possible. What I desire is being modeled for me. I can create this in my own life, or my own version of whatever it is that I am craving.

Emotions rule us when left unchecked. They subvert our highest intentions, causing us to act out in passive and sometimes aggressive ways. There no bad emotions, only unpleasant ones, and even these offer us valuable information.

What/who are you jealous of? What is the next clue on your journey?

Join us this Thursday 6pm PST as we explore  the Emotional Power Center, “Freedom to Feel!” through a FREE group coaching call!


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Self Love Sweet Love

The number one issue facing women today is chronic and destructive lack of self love. It’s a sad reality that living with as much opportunity, wealth, rights and freedoms as we as women do in this part of the world, that we still inflict punishment on ourselves in the form of self hate, self judgment and lack of self worth that is almost as destructive as what we see in misogynist societies.

What the world needs now, is for women to be in love sweet love (with ourselves). It’s one of the only things that there’s just too little of!

The paradigm shift slowly heading our way, where the values and blessings of the divine feminine are heralded and celebrated, cannot come about until a critical mass of women can honestly say, I love ME, and mean it. This isn’t something we can feign. That won’t cut it. And I know that all things have their time, but I have to confess I’m a little impatient for this one. Particularly because I now know just how juicy it is. That isn’t to say that I don’t have my ups and downs, moments and hours when I resort to my issues of shame and self blame. I still know those places intimately, however I am way more the witness, versus the victim to those corrosive tendencies.

So here are a few tips I’ve learned and discovered over my years as a tumultuously juicy woman with moods and emotions that sometime seem like they could fuel a jet plane.

Tip #1 Give yourself sensual gifts. Choose things that won’t induce guilt, like rich desserts or expensive ticket items. Instead, here are some ideas: Take a warm bubble bath, massage yourself with fragrant lotion, cuddle up naked with a soft throw. Please add to the list at the Vividly Woman Facebook group! We want more juicy ideas for being sensually loving to ourselves.

Tip #2 Spend time in nature seeing yourself in the mirror.Nature is so beautiful and she is a reflection of you. Spend lots of time in her loving embrace and remember to ground in your oneness.

Tip# 3 Move your body. Dance every day for at least 15 minutes. You can do it on your own, or join a global circle of sisters who are dancing together virtually. Dance Your Power Daily Dance-A-Thon

Tip# 4 Identify and prioritize meaning in your life. Move out of victim and into the power of self love by choosing to do things that have genuine meaning, and choosing to find and stay conscious of meaning in all the things you do.

Tip#5 Express love to yourself. Make it a frequent daily habit to tell yourself, “Leela, (your name) I love you”. Say it a loud, sing it in the shower, write it in the sand, write it on a card and mail it to yourself, send an email to yourself.

Self love isn’t a science, it’s a creative practice that requires devotion. Aren’t YOU worth devoting yourself to?

Leela Francis is the founder of Vividly Woman. An embodiment Expert, facilitator and coach, she inspires the values of the divine feminine in work and in play.

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